We were sitting around a table when I first heard R.A.’s story.
She told us that it was her first time sharing with a group of Christian women and I couldn’t believe that the woman I saw in front of me had gone through all the accounts and more that she laid before us.
Although there was much evil that was done to her through her past marriage, it’s absolutely incredible to see how God had not left her at any point and that He used this relationship to ultimately heal her. I’ll let her tell the rest of the story:
R.A.: It is with tears that I recount this story to you, but don’t be mistaken - these are not tears of sadness, but of joy.
My story is filled with pain and trauma, experiences that have unfortunately been all too common to me over many years. Nevertheless, the redeeming power of God’s love and His word has completely enveloped my story, and transformed my life forever.
My life began after the six years of trauma I experienced in my marriage with my then husband who identified as a Christian. After separating from him, my dreams, hopes, and aspirations were all shattered.
Far from the comforts of my home, I found myself isolated and alone in a small rental room with only my clothing and car. While the world experienced a collective choke-hold of isolation and fear in the early stages of the pandemic, I felt this alternate reality even more deeply as I struggled to push forward. However, it was in this broken and devastated state that was in that led me to surrender myself completely to God. It was in this posture that He began to rebuild me as I sought Him daily through prayer, praise, and His word.
Isaiah 54 became the framework for my foundation in my newfound relationship with Christ. The day I read those words will forever be etched in my memory as I wept and felt the first embrace of His love and comfort. I was stunned as every verse seemed to speak into my reality.
Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord (v. 1-3).
A childless marriage, which was initially a source of shame, became an ultimate blessing. The Lord reminded me that what may seem devastating at first, can in fact be a protection in disguise. There were no obligatory ties that would continue to cause me pain as there would have been if my then-husband and I were to have had a child.
Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more (v. 4).
I ran away and hid, consumed by shame. In the eyes of culture and religion, the echoes of failure seared their label onto me. I was considered old by societal standards. I thought about whether anyone would ever want to marry me. Would I be condemned to a life of loneliness? Would the label of 'divorcee' forever define me? And yet, through these verses, God, in His beautiful redemptive nature, rewrote my story.
I was free to release the shame that occurred in my youth, and instead put my trust in God's definition of who I am.
For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called (v. 5).
My new identity is found in Christ. He is my Husband. My entire story became redefined by the power of these words alone. I am not alone. I belong to Him.
For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God (v. 6).
Repeated incidences of being berated, ignored, taunted, spat upon, choked, kicked and cheated on, became physical and emotional scars that enslaved my entire being. Furthermore, I faced deep rejection as, weeks after fleeing from my home, he had already moved on with another woman. He was the classic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I was devastated by thoughts that no one would ever believe my story. I felt all alone. But God’s words whispered to me, “No child, I was there. I saw it all.”
For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer. For this is as the waters of Noah unto me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee. For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee (v. 7-10).
But I questioned him in anger and confusion - “Where were you, Lord?” “Why did you allow this to happen to me?” These are the questions that plague every Christian that weeps alone in the garden of suffering. He reminded me that He had permitted my affliction for a brief period, but in His mercy, He drew me back.
Do I wish I had never experienced the loss, grief and pain I endured? Absolutely. Would I alter the course of my life's narrative? Never. For it was after this devastation that I began to hear His still small voice. With loving kindness, He drew me close to Him. His peace, to this day, has not been removed. I am a living testament to how beauty can arise from ashes. How my broken self, forged by His refining fire, had transformed into a stronger, more beautiful piece of art that testifies to His grace.
O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires. And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones. And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children (v. 11-13).
My restoration and healing began with my new identity in Christ. However, it was His Word that transformed and solidified my faith, as He led me, verse by verse and chapter by chapter, through scripture. To every question I had regarding my separation, my home, a potential new partner, becoming a mother, and sharing my testimony, He graciously gave me promise after promise. I have witnessed with amazement as His promises came true, one by one, despite my helplessness.
The restoration of my home and all my belongings, the blessing of a new godly partner, and the opportunity to share my testimony, including writing the words on this very page, are all evidence of God's unwavering faithfulness. His words have not returned void and continue to unfold in my life.
In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee. Behold, they shall surely gather together, but not by me: whosoever shall gather together against thee shall fall for thy sake. No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgement thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord (v.14-15, 17).
In the months that followed, the Lord protected me from further emotional, physical and financial oppression. Words spoken against me by his friends and family were silenced and even his verbal aggression had ceased. Clinging to God became my lifeline as I learned to trust Him despite the pain, praise Him in the waiting, and relinquish control on a daily basis. Yet at the core of my healing was the importance of forgiveness. I learned to let go of bitterness, resentment, hate, malice, and anger and to treat him with respect.
Over time, all semblances of my former shadow disappeared, as it was replaced with a joy and peace that can only come from above. Having joy in the midst of suffering can be a strong witness to unbelievers who are watching from the sidelines. It certainly baffled my ex.
If there is any encouragement to be had, I would want you to know that Jesus, our Saviour, has also experienced the pain of being hit, taunted, and rejected. If you’re a victim struggling to understand God’s plan for all this, place your pain on the altar of surrender and see what it means to be truly loved and comforted by our Heavenly Father. Witness the restoration that only He can provide, and take solace in the understanding that He can transform all things for the better, including our seasons of distress. It all starts in a place of complete surrender to the One who can.
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