"You're Almost 30 but You're Still Not Married?"

Joy in Trusting God’s Sovereignty

I had dinner with a few friends over the weekend and a couple new friends sat with us that night. We were talking and laughing about different topics and one of my friends asked these new friends how old they were.

One of them said that he was 24 and in return asked us our ages. “We’re all between the ages of 27-31,” she replied. He was shocked. He thought we were in our early 20's and we found that quite hilarious.

After dinner, the 24-year-old and I walked with another friend of mine where he said, “Sooooo… I’m guessing you’re all, like not married. But you’re almost 30… any regrets about that?” I love the innocence of his question. My friend and I laughed at the question and simply told him that God is perfectly Sovereign in his timing and the only regret would have been to rush or settle into a relationship.

This question kept lingering in my mind after he asked it and I couldn’t help but catch myself smiling at the thought of it.

I’m almost 30 but I can confidently say now that I have no regrets about where I am in my life stage with regards to my marital status. Growing up, my plan was to be married by 22. I’m way past that now and I’m still not married.

I’ve talked about what my discontentment in singleness had looked like and you can read about that here. In my discontentment, I would force myself to continue relationships where I already felt the Spirit nudging me to end things. This always didn’t end well. Sure, I learned, but I could have saved much time, energy, and heart-ache. If there are any regrets, it would be that I feel as if I wasted my time on relationships God already had clearly shown me I shouldn’t have been continuing.

There are so many gifts in singleness - one being the freedom of time that could be spent on kingdom work but that’s not the focus of this article. The focus is that there is pure joy in pursuing Christ first (Matt. 6:33) and knowing that he is in control. Where he has you may be a painful place, but he calls us to trust in him - he created the sun and the moon. He knows what he’s doing.

I still strongly desire marriage but I’m drowning in awe of the grace God that he has given me. I’ve grown in the knowledge of who our Father truly is and that is a precious gift. My Father is faithful (1 Cor. 1:9), perfect, kind, loving, compassionate (Ex. 34:6-7), gentle (Matt. 11:29), and sovereign (Rev. 4:11). He has no flaw (Matt. 5:48); he does not forget his children (Ps. 103:13-14), and he does not withhold any good from those whose walk is blameless(Ps. 84:11). So even with my marital status, I will choose to trust in God and be joyful in knowing that he is who he says he is!

I’ve worried a lot.

My worries can be divided into two categories:

1. Worries that tempt me to be my own god, and

2. worries of the effects that my singleness has on others.

It sounds nicer to talk about my worry as an eagerness in dating relationships and a devastation when the relationships end but what I’m really saying is that I appear desperate in trying to force my way of things - I try to be my own god.

My ideal situation would be to meet someone that I get along with, date for 8-12 months, get engaged, and then be married less than a year after that. I put a 2-year timeframe on every guy I talked with and I’ve tried manipulating them in ways to make them progress the relationship.

I’d be worried that if he wasn’t intentional about progressing our relationship, then I would be wasting my time. I felt that I couldn’t afford that. All of this takes time - finding someone, getting to know them, deciding to commit to them; and when things don’t work out it takes time to process and heal from what was and what could have been. The thought of the time needed and the time I felt I didn’t have made me worry.

In addition, I would worry with every small step of the relationship progressing. Does he like me? Does he still like me? Why isn’t he answering my text messages? Why hasn’t he suggested making our relationship official? (honest anxious thoughts, I’ve calmed down now I hope!)

Then there’s another side of where my worries affect others. I’ve worried about the possibility of not being able to bear biological children with my future husband or having an increased chance of complications in child-birth because of my age. I’ve worried about disappointing my parents' desire for me to have a family and them worrying about how I would be lonely or struggle financially. The list can go on and on.

The good news is that we can be honest about our worries! God already knows them all and he’s not rolling his eyes at us for them. Remember, he is a compassionate God. He’s not surprised that we would worry about these things. But he also wants us to bring these worries to him. Can we do that? Can we trust God with our whole lives, including this area of our lives? That even if we aren’t able to have biological children, even if we disappoint our parents, and feel alone, that ultimately God will provide as he always has (Phil. 4:19).

More good news is that there is freedom from all these fears in Jesus. If we trust in his sovereignty then we know that he has good plans for his children in its perfect timing. If we believe this, we don’t have to worry about missed opportunities, wasted time, or of what our physical bodies can or cannot do with time. God knows what his children need.

I do hope that it’s not sounding like I’m making light of such heavy life situations. In this world, we’re surrounded with the idea that it’s normal to have a spouse and children. Society in certain cultures start looking down on those who are still single or who aren’t able to have children so the pressure can be real. To feel like we would not be able to partake in something so precious can be absolutely heartbreaking, but what I’m simply trying to communicate is even with such a great desire, Christ is worth desiring more of and trusting in. If you don’t believe me, read the Bible yourself and see what kind of God we have :)

Our ultimate hope must be in Jesus and our Home is in Heaven (Heb. 13:14), where no one will have a husband or a wife (Matt. 22:30). May we keep our gaze upward (Col. 3:2) and be found faithful until Jesus comes again (Matt. 25:21). There is absolute joy in knowing that God is sovereign!